Behind The Mask

Uunahan ko na kayo, hindi ko siya boyfriend o kung ano pa man kaya wag kayong mag-isip ng malisya. Gusto ko lang ididedicate to sa kanya kasi nakita ko ‘tong 15 Day Crush Challenge at wala akong magawa.. ito ang kinalabasan, gagawin kong isang post na lahat. Lilinawin ko na din, naging crush ko siya pero di ko siya crush ngayon… dati lang yun.

What is his name/nickname? Audie Reyes
When did I first meet him? Matagal na kaming magka-schoolmate pero nung grade 6 lang talaga kami nagkakilala kasi magkaklase kami at naging seatmates.
Where did I first meet him? Sa school, St. Paul School of Sta. Maria to be exact.
What do I like about his physical appearance? Ahem, siguro yung malalim niyang dimples kasi konti lang ang may ganon.
What do I like about his personality? Yung pagiging gentleman niya. Yung may tinatago siyang kalokohan kahit na laging seryoso ang itsura niya. Yung pagiging confident niya. At higit sa lahat, he reminds me of Sir Dex!
Post a quote that reminds me of him: Pwde bang one word na lang, wala akong maisip eh: Sampanaw!
Post the lyrics of a song that reminds me of him: I know it makes no sense but what else can I do.. how can I move on when I’m still in love with you? Actually yung buong kanta na The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script kasi siya yung nagsuggest sakin nun dati at siya na din ang nagpakilala sakin ng The Script.
Will I ever date him? Uhmm, ewan. Siguro.
Describe my feelings for him: Siya lang ata ang bukod tanging naging crush ko ng seryoso at maraming may alam nun, haha. Yun lang ata masasabi ko. At naging awkward ang lahat nung grade 6 kasi umamin siya sakin na may gusto siya sakin at since then, hindi na kami nag-usap, haha!
What is my favorite memory of him? Nung may nagbigay sakin ng Ferrero, pumunta siya ng Mercury at bumili ng Toblerone kasi may nagsabi sa kanya na mas gusto ko ang Toblerone. Nung pinakasal kami sa marriage booth tapos umarte siya na parang divorce na kami at nakuhanan pa yun ng video.. nakakatawa yun pag naalala ko.
Write a letter to him: Hindi naman siguro kailangan mahaba. Ito siguro masasabi ko: Thank you sa lahat ng memories na meron ako dahil sayo, sorry sa lahat ng mga kasalanan ko sayo, sa pagsusungit at hindi pagpansin. I just wish for the best and goodluck sa college life! I hope we meet again.
Is he the type of person you usually fall for? Why/why not? That would be a yes. Kasi wala ka na naman sigurong hihilingin pa sa kanya, di ba? Mabait, may itsura, gentleman.. hindi ko na siguro kailangang isa-isahin pa yung positive traits niya.
Is there anything I dislike about him? Yung pag nababalitaan ko na nagkakasalubong kami sa corridors o nagkikita kami, akala niya lagi na lang ako nang-iirap at iniirapan ko siya. Seryoso? Bakit ko naman gagawin yun?
Write them a poem/song: Mahirap ‘to.. pero habang sinusulat ko yung recent kong poem, bigla na lang siya pumasok sa kokote ko. Ito oh, natatawa ako sa sarili ko, tssk.
Compliment him and post his reply: Kunwari siya kaharap ko pero wag na nating ilagay ang reply niya. Like I always say, lagi kang ngingiti kasi sayang yung dimples mo.. konti lang ang binigyan ni Lord niyan. Saka why are you such a gentleman? Last year ng highschool, lumakas din ang appeal mo at dumami ang nagkaron ng crush sayo. Ayun lang.

Sinagot ko yung mga tanong as honest as possible. Ayoko namang lokohin yung sarili ko kasi challenge nga, di ba? Pero kung may makabasa man nito na nakakilala sakin.. kung may gusto pa kayong itanong, feel free to ask. Nga pala, never naging kami dahil walang ligawang nangyari. Pero alam ng mga kapamilya ko ang storya na ‘to. Nung graduation at nung gratitude day, hinanap pa ni Ate si Audie.. akala nila may something pa din pero sinabi ko lang na may nililigawang iba yung tao kaya tumigil din sila. Friends kami. O siguro acquaintance lang kasi di naman kami nag-uusap at nung graduation na ang last day na magkikita kami? May pagkakaiba ba yun? May picture kami nung graduation kasi nung nabanggit na naman siya ni ate, nasa likod lang pala si Audie kasama ang ate niya… kaya ayan! Natatawa pa ako sa comment ni Ate kasi may chemistry daw at kailangan daw akong panagutan. Nung una, di ko gets pero tignan niyo na lang yung picture. :)

Random Ramblings!

We didn’t have classes on Thursday (Piesta in Sta. Maria) and Friday because the teachers had a meeting of some sort. Then, there were rumors that Julia Montes went to SPCB for a shooting. I saw tweets regarding this and it was even on Facebook. Looking at it, everyone got suspicious that we didn’t have classes on Friday just to accommodate Julia’s shooting for an upcoming movie. Nevertheless, I’m thankful because we had a 4-day vacation including the weekend!
Vacations are not holidays, you still have to learn & study - this is what our teachers try to imply as they gave us a lot of projects and homework to work on! I completely understand this as we didn’t have decent classes the past few weeks. St. Paul’s Week, Science Congress, Piesta in Sta. Maria, what else is next? Ohh, I know! Valentine’s Day! I’m not looking forward to this day because it’s nothing special, really.
On Friday, I went to MCU hospital to accompany my mom. She had to undergo her monthly treatment. My sisters were busy and my brother had classes. I’m the only person left so my mom didn’t have much choice. We had to stay overnight which was extremely okay with me, if only I made it productive enough to work on something. I should have brought my Religious Education book or my Practical Art drawing sheets.
To make things worse, I subscribed to Supersurf50 but I wasn’t able to use it! Imagine that, I wasted 50 pesos for nothing! I just want to surf the net using my phone while chilling at the hospital. Shizz, I was completely annoyed with this! I even texted and asked my friends on how to use this promo but their suggestions didn’t work. Don’t get me wrong, it was my first time to register using this service. This was epic fail. Never again will I register to this kind of things with insufficient knowledge of the mechanics!
Today’s a Saturday. We had classes because of the 3rd Quarter Assembly. University of Asia and the Pacific informed me through text that there’s gonna be an orientation today that’s why I ditched the Assembly. I heard my rank was 8.5 or something. Anyway, I was interested because I’m still not sure if I’ll go to UPLB for college. I already scratched out UST among my choices. So it’s gonna be UPLB or UA&P, I’m torn between the two. Moreover, I’m willing to go there to find out whether I pass their scholarship program or not and what course did I qualify for. If I passed, my sister told me that I can go there. On a last minute decision, I backed out since I didn’t know how to go to UA&P from MCU hospital.
So… I’m still thinking of applying for MAPUA? I’m considering of taking up Engineering but I’m afraid of what’s in it for me. Point blank, I have perpetually dreaming of having a title in my name. Engr. Ella Mae A. Gener, Atty. Ella Mae A. Gener or Dr. Ella Mae A. Gener? I know, it sounds ridiculous but I can’t help thinking that it matches my name especially Dr. Ella Mae A. Gener. But I don’t have any plans of taking up medicine related course because it’ll be a long run. I don’t have the patience to study 10 years! Yikes, I’m still unsure of what course to take. This is bad! I have to make up my mind pretty soon.
Lastly, I have so many things on my mind that it’s almost impossible to forget the projects and homework I need to do: Suring Pelikula for Filipino, Research Paper and Book Reports in English, book activities in Religious Education, drawing crap for Practical Arts, did I miss anything? These are driving me nuts!

For Roselyn Duka. Every year, our school has this project “Adopt A Child”. The project is pretty much self-explanatory. In my 4 years of stay in SPCB, this is actually my first time to participate. I was fixing my stuff, saw these things and decided to give these to the girl I’m adopting on Tuesday. The bag was my school bag when I was in 6th grade while the shirt and wallet are still brand new. The books, I’m still quite hesitant if it will be of use to the girl. ;)

Pinaikling Liham.

Ella,

As we always say “change for the better” pero para sakin di mo na kailangan maging better kasi para sakin best ka na. Sana tandaan mo ‘to: merong tao na nagmamahal sayo ng sobra sobra at siya ay nag-aantay na mahalin mo rin siya.

______________________

Wala akong masabi nung binabasa ko yung buong sulat.. pero ito lang yung pinaka nakakuha ng atensyon ko kasi ito yung meaningful sa lahat. Hindi ko lang talaga akalain.

Change for the better, yan lagi yung sinusulat sa reco letters.. pero madalang lang ako makabasa ng ganyan sa mga sulat na natatangap ko. “Wag ka ng magbago,” yan ang nakikita ko kasi sabi nila, kung anuman ako ngayon, okay na ako.. wala na daw dapat baguhin. Totoo naman kaya? Pero dati lagi nilang sinasabi na bawasan ko ang pagiging pala-aral ko kasi matalino na daw ako at bawasan ang pagiging masungit. Pero yung i-consider ako na best? Ibang usapan na yan lalo na kung sa ibang tao manggagaling. Kung galing ‘to sa bestfriend ko o kaya naman sa pamilya ko, hindi ako magrereklamo.. kasi sila yung taong naniniwala sakin. Pero galing sa ibang tao? Lalo na sa lalaki? Parang hindi katanggap-tanggap. Bakit? Maraming mas mabait, mas maganda, mas talented at mas matalinong babae diyan.. ang dami mong pagpipilian, bakit ako?

May nagmamahal sayo, gusto kong marining yan kapag pakiramdam ko na walang nagmamahal sakin lalo na kapag nalulungkot ako. May nagmamahal sakin ng sobra-sobra? Unang reaksyon ko, “Weh? Di nga?” Pero sa totoo lang, nakakataba ng puso. Kaso sobra kasi eh.. masama yun, kasi lahat ng sobra, umaapaw at nasasayang lang, hindi ba?

Hindi ako yung tipo ng tao na kayang maghintay ng sobrang tagal kaya ito ang masasabi ko: Ang hirap maghintay lalo na kung hihintayin mong mahalin ka rin ng taong mahal mo. Pero humahanga lang ako sa taong nagsulat ng liham na ‘to.. dahil nagagawa niya yun para lang sa taong mahal niya.

Are we… ?

I’ve been single for years and every time someone pursues me, I don’t give them the chance to do so. Last year, someone tried really hard to win my heart. He did everything and even gave me something to remember. Time passed by and he found the girl that reciprocates the same feelings he has for her. I’m happy for him, after all, we’re still friends even though the closeness faded.

Moving on, a Boy-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is doing the same thing. We text each other but we don’t talk personally. I find it quite ironic. Plus, he gave me something special on my birthday. Because I wanted to give something really nice since this is our last Christmas party together, I decided to give him a small gift. He gave me something as well but he didn’t hand it to me directly. In return, I asked one of my classmates to hand over my gift to him.

The thing is, the day before our Christmas Party the Boy-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named asked me if I’m going somewhere after the event.. “I’m not sure,” that’s what I said. My friends wanted to go to a friend’s house and they invited me first.. so I’m going with them. Then, the day itself, he asked if I’m free to go the mall.. “…I don’t have money,” that was my lame excuse. It was half-true considering the fact that I was not given a pocket money (baon) that day and I didn’t even bother to check my purse.

Before going to my friend’s house, we had our pictures taken in a studio and headed to Pizza Hut for our lunch. Something happened but I will not narrate the story behind it because I don’t have the power to do so.. and I’m skipping some petty details. A boy approached me handing me crumpled paper bills from the Boy-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I humbly told him to give back the money to its owner because I simply don’t need it.

Right before we order, I looked into my purse and realized that I had enough money to survive the day. Some girls would have instantly accepted the money.. but I’m not one of them. I went out and returned his money without even saying a word. Here’s my reason: I DON’T WANT HIM TO THINK THAT I’M TAKING HIM FOR GRANTED. I hope he understands me. Anyway, while computing how much our bill was, my friends joked that I should have accepted the money so that we can don’t have to share for the payment. Deep inside, here’s what was I thinking.. “I will.. if only he was with us,” that was my fair judgement.

He even told me this through a text message, “Ang gara mo. :(” I was getting pretty annoyed so I just replied with, “Sorry.” Another thing, my friends gave him my picture in a frame.. he asked if I knew about this and I didn’t reply. Let me clear something, when he asked for my picture.. I immediately told him that I won’t give him any because I looked really weird. The picture frame was a crazy idea and I argued with my friends if they were serious about it.. clearly, it was not my idea. When we went shopping for gifts, I said that I will just look for a wallet and put my picture inside.. I was just fooling around, mind you. Someone implanted this silly thought (you know who you are, haha.) I had no idea that they took what I said seriously.

Anyway, enough of my story and explanation. As I type this, I received a load worth 50 pesos and I’m guessing that it came from the Boy-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Open Letter.

Ella,

Sorry kung lagi kang napagtritripan dahil sakin. Pagpasensyahan mo na kung ganon ang mga nangyayari. Huwag sanang sasama ang iyong loob sa akin at sana’y maging magkaibigan na lamang tayo at wag ng bumaba doon. Sa totoo lang, pinipigil pa ng aking konsensiya na sabihin ang aking nararamdaman. Pero sa saglit ng aking loob ay lumakas, ako agad ay lalapit sayo kung gugustuhin mo lamang. Maraming pumapasok sa aking isipan na tinutulak ako mapalayo sa iyo lalo na ang aking grado at aking pagiging loko-loko. Marami pa yatang oras na natitira kaya hindi pa ko gumagawa ng desisyon. Sana wag kang magalit kung iyon ang nasabi ko kahit na parang nag-aalangan ka sa akin. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ko ito sinulat eh. Siguro nagkaroon ako ng gana nung nalaman ko na hinahangaan mo ako noon. Nahihiya nga ako kasi wala man lang akong galing na talento, hehehe. Gusto ko rin nga palang umamin na ang ganda mo talaga lalo na’t pag ngumingiti ka habang pinagmamasdan kita. Kaso pag pinagtritripan ako dinadaan ko na lang sa pagiging tahimik kaso nahihirapan akong pilitin. xD Pasensya na kung maikli ang nasulat ko. Oo nga pala.. Happy reco! Advance happy birthday! Aasahan ko sana reco letter mo. Sige.. keep smiling! Ingat lagi. I love you.
Truly Yours,
________________

Isa sa mga bagay na ginagawa ko kapag wala akong magawa.. binubuksan ko yung box na puno ng mga liham galing sa mga kaklase’t kaibigan ko pag may recollections at retreat. May mga nakakatawa, nakaka-touch at hindi mo maipaliwanag na feelings kapag may nababasa kang hindi mo inaasahan. Sabihin mo man ako ng old-fashioned, pero gustong-gusto ko pa ding nakakatanggap ng sulat lalo na pag makabuluhan yung nilalaman.

Isa lang ito sa mga naitago ko.. at hindi ko maiwasang matawa at maguluhan. Yung unang parte kasi.. parang ewan lang. Para sakin, parang nagiging makata pa nga yung nagsulat kasi magkakatunog yung mga salita na ginamit niya. May potensyal tong maging isang manunulat ng tula balang araw kung gugustuhin niya. Hindi rin siguro tama yung paglalarawan niya sa sarili niya na loko-loko.. sa pagkakaalam ko, mabait, tahimik at gentleman pa nga ‘to eh. Kung loko-loko siya, hindi ko siya magugustuhan, di ba? Naging ‘crush’ ko kasi ‘to dati. Naniniwala din akong may talento siya.. ang taas na rin ng narating niya ngayon. Sinong mag-aakala na ganon ang mangyayari?

Ang tagal-tagal na naming hindi nagkakausap. Parang hindi kami magkilala, parang hindi rin kami magkaibigan. Pero parang ang dami niyang gustong sabihin.. di ko nga matandaan kung binigyan ko ba siya ng sulat eh. Sa pagkakatanda ko, hindi ko ata siya nabigyan kasi wala akong maisulat. Siguro bago mag-graduation, bibigyan ko siya… kung magagawa ko.

Natutuwa lang ako sa sinabi niya, ang ganda ko daw lalo na pag nakangiti. Sa isip-isip ko, “Weh? Di nga? Parang hindi naman.” At isipin mo nga naman, may “I love you” pa sa dulo. Ano kayang ibig sabihin nun?

Siyempre hindi ko sasabihin kung sino ‘to. Sikretong malupit na lang.